By Any Other Name
by anemix
Summary: River Song, she said her name was. But who is she really?  A look into one of the many possibilities of her existence.


**By Any Other Name**

11/1/10

My Doctor, my sweet Doctor. When we finally reunited, we had the best of times together, but we kept meeting in the wrong order. One meeting, we finally got married, sealing our love with an oath, but the timelines wouldn't let us stay together for long, pulling us apart to prevent any paradox. I had hoped that at the end, we would finally be able to walk together down the same path, but you knew better, didn't you.

I remember the time with the angels, not long ago for me, but it hasn't happened yet for you. I was working for freedom from the Stormcage Facility and it was still was early on for you. Amy correctly guessed that I was your wife, and for a second I remembered our wedding day, her as my bridesmaid. She couldn't know yet though, and I evaded her question, though it was true that it never was that simple.

Much later, to prevent a paradox, when you asked whom I killed, I replied, "The greatest man I've ever known." And he was/is a great man, having lived far longer than you ever will by my mistake. He died countless times, and yet, was forced to continue onwards. But he never begrudged me his greatest blessing and curse, and continued to fight for all. When I saw him reduced to nothing more than a giant head, his body failing yet unable to die, at his bequest I took his life away and undid my mistake. Despite my imprisonment and almost universal hatred because of killing the legend, I have never regretted taking away the life of the Face of Bo, killing Jack Harkness, for everything dies and turns to dust in the end.

My heart almost stopped though when you offered yourself to seal the crack. I knew how the cracks were to be fixed, and it wasn't your time, yet you were determined. I tried to offer myself instead, even though I knew it couldn't happen, when I realized your brilliant solution. Killing two birds with one stone, as it was said in my childhood, you got rid of the angels and the time-crack at the same time. I could have kissed you, but you didn't know who I was yet, and I assuaged myself with thoughts of my coming release and by giving you a hint of the Pandorica.

The adventure with the Pandorica was nerve-wracking, for I had an inkling of who would cause the Tardis to explode, and he was of a league far beyond all of the rest of your enemies combined. And yet the lesser-combined threat is what we ultimately faced, with barely a hint of the Valeyard, except for him controlling the Tardis. I was so afraid that he would show up, with the Tardis and me gone, and yet only his voice was heard from. Thank Time, for you were not yet ready to defeat him.

You saved me from the explosion in the nick of time, and in return I blew up your fez. There was no way that the fez was going to return, if I had any say in it. But then the Dalek shot you and you disappeared, and you said you died, you liar. I killed that Dalek. You wouldn't have wanted me to, but I never forgave them from separating us the first time. I almost cried when you were going to sacrifice your existence for Big Bang II in order to seal up the cracks, and only my memories of your future kept me going, even though time can be rewritten. Your last words weren't for me, for you didn't really know me yet, and I despaired that you never would.

In hopes of her memory bringing you back, I showed up at Amy's wedding, my then blank diary as a gift. I was special and beloved enough by time to remember. Then after the reception, you gave me back my diary, again filled with words. I couldn't help but tease you about our marriage, for soon I would finally meet you for the first time. And as I went back to Stormcage to turn myself in, I thanked Amy Pond with all of my heart.

How confused we both were when we first reunited! You called me River Song, but that was not my name yet, and I had no idea who you were because of the regeneration. It took several hints of my past in a parallel universe and the revealing of your sonic screwdriver for us to work it out. I slapped you of course. How could you have overlooked the changes in me?

Absorbing the time vortex had more than temporary changes on me. I aged much slower, kept my grasp on languages, and my healing ability was greatly increased. My job with the alternate Torchwood had plenty of danger, and it didn't take long to realize that there was something different about me. My recovery time between missions was the fastest of anyone on staff, including your metacrisis, and with my understanding of all languages and my knowledge, I became a valued negotiator.

Your twin, who gave himself the name John Foreman, grew concerned over me though, and when his scans showed Time's effects on me, he worked tirelessly on a way to breach the void to send me back to you. It was painful to see everybody age and decay, even John, as I almost stayed the same, and I though that must be what you had to go through countless times, and understood.

Finally, it was just me and John left among grandchildren and great-grandchildren when he worked it out, his Timelord-part giving him a couple years beyond the human lifespan. With his dying breath, he sent me across the void, using the last of his essence to seal the cracks.

It is our curse, isn't it, to never be truly together. Even when we were in the same universe, we always had to separate. At the singing towers, I had finally thought that we could finally be together in the same order, for I remembered no other paradox that I had to prevent, but you knew better, didn't you, and sent me away, crying as you said goodbye and handing me your own sonic screwdriver.

I see you now, so young, such a shadow of your future glory. This was the first time you were reunited with me. I would not let you die, let you sacrifice yourself and all your future goodness for us. I have loved you, across time and universes, and I am ready to give the ultimate sacrifice.

You always knew, didn't you, that this was how it was to end, for the first time you reunited with me, you saw me die for you. Live a long, full life Doctor, and I'm sorry that this is how I am to end, for despite centuries of life, it was still not enough with you. Move on, become great, save the universe countless more times, and remember me, River Song, Rose Tyler, your love lost, found, given away, returned in the wrong order, and who finally who died for you. I love you for all of eternity.

"_A rose by any other name would smell as sweet" – Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare_


End file.
